i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
