I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
