i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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