I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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