ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
