All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I didn't notice because vodka
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And then he peed in my hair
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