walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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