I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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