the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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