A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
