How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
