you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
