Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
