no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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