Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
