I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
