I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
