She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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