I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
