chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
