We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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