I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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