Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
two words...techno handjob
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
