party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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