i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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