there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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