I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
