Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
