Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
