You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
