Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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