if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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