my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
