literally had 100 drinks last night.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
