He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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