im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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