It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
