Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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