is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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