he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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