Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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