I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
