with your own penis?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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