last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
