Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
