are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
