So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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