I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
