I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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