That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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