i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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