Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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